


So That's What You Mean To Me

by esmereldajuniper



Series: Rest Thy Weary Heart [1]
Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age II
Genre: F/M, Feelings Realization
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-02
Updated: 2020-04-02
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:47:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,614
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23424178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/esmereldajuniper/pseuds/esmereldajuniper
Summary: Lyra Hawke goes to visit Anders after the quest "Dissent" and starts thinking and experiencing things for her longtime friend.
Relationships: Anders/Female Hawke
Series: Rest Thy Weary Heart [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686022
Comments: 4
Kudos: 9





	So That's What You Mean To Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hi everyone! I've been in Dragon Age hell lately and can't stop thinking about my ocs all the time. This came about when I started thinking of the moment they all knew they were in love or started to fall with their love interest. This one is featuring my canon Hawke, Lyra!
> 
> Shoutout to @Queen_Galaxy for reading over this, giving helpful pointers, and being a great cheerleader!

Lyra waved at Ella, hoping that the large bag of all the money she had at the moment would help her and her mother out. When she looked down at her armor and hands, she saw blood everywhere and a number of questionable things only found in caves. _What a mess_. She tried flicking the blood off her hands onto the ground but managed to splash some back onto her face. The tangy copper smell made her gag and hold onto the wall for support as she coughed and tried to rub it off her face. 

“Gross! I know everyone thinks I wash myself with Templar blood but who can with this smell?” 

“What’s this? The hundredth person you’ve killed so far? How can a little blood make you sick now Hawke?” Varric re-holstered Bianca and laughed at his friend’s poor attempt to fix the mess she made on her face and arms.

“Varric you know it’s not just the blood, it’s the smell. Why else would Hawke never willingly get close to me?” At that moment Isabela stood very close to Lyra who gagged at her _very_ expensive perfume invading her personal nose space. 

“Please Bela! I’m going to throw up, stand down-wind would you?”

“Come on Hawke, she doesn’t smell that bad. Believe me I’ve smelled worse. Anyway I need something after this whole ordeal, let’s go back to the Hanged Man. Let's try not to get into another fight for at least the next day.” Varric walked ahead and turned back around to look at the two wondering what was keeping them. Isabela tugged on Lyra’s arm but she stood rooted to the spot looking over to where Anders had run away.

“Go on ahead, I’ll meet up with you both later,” Lyra nodded her head in the general direction she thought The Hanged Man was and gave Isabela what she thought was her best smile, but was more a grimace because she caught another whiff of the blood on her face. 

“Something more pressing at the moment?”

“I mean I’m just going to check on Anders.”

“Ah of course you are. Let’s go Varric, Hawke has some _business_ to take care of first,” before Lyra could ask what that tone of voice meant Isabela was strutting away whistling a bit too nonchalantly. Varric only gave the sleaziest smile Lyra’s ever seen and exchanged some coins as the two laughed all the way out of Darktown. 

_Weird. I really should bathe first before speaking with Anders. This stench coming off of me will do neither of us any favors but he was really upset, he needs a friend now._ She sighed, ignored the awful smell of blood and sweat, and made her way to Anders. Walking into his clinic Lyra saw he was in a corner of the abandoned building crouching down. 

“Trash. Trash. Keep. Trash. Trash…Won’t be needing that anymore.” Anders' voice sounded _wrong_ to Lyra and he was completely hunched in on himself. Whatever else she wanted to tell him didn’t matter, he needed comfort now. She reached out to touch his shoulder but at that moment he turned his head back to see the intruder which caused her hand to rest completely on the top of his head.

 _Maker, I think his hair is as soft as mine. Softer even! What shampoo does he have down here?_ Anders looked more than confused at her presence and Lyra’s hand was still firmly on his head as the two blinked at each for a few moments.

“I’m sorry. I was going to offer a pat on the shoulder but I got distracted by your incredibly silky hair,” Lyra somewhat reluctantly withdrew her hand then flexed her fingers at the loss of softness. 

“What do you want Hawke?” Anders tried to look angry but she noticed the blush from her compliment. Lyra saw he self-consciously touched hair and frowned at what he felt. _Really it’s not fair he lives in a sewer but has nicer hair than me. Wait, he asked something._

“Ummm… oh! I wanted to give you these, I got them off that dick Alrik as well as his money! Can I sit down?” but she was already seated on a cot before she even got the question out. “I mean for once I think he was on his own with the Tranquil Solution. Well not completely on his own, he still had those buddies with him.” 

“Both the Grand Cleric and Elthina rejected the idea!” Anders looked breathless and gestured with his hands to get the point across. 

“I know right? I can’t believe the old biddies denied it. I guess he was a little _too_ extreme for them,” Lyra snorted at the idea of the Chantry being too extreme and relaxed as Anders grinned as well. She patted the spot next to her and he complied, sitting down next to her and re-reading the papers.

“Thank you for these Hawke. I- I really need to thank you for everything you did today.” He didn’t lift his eyes to meet hers and looked more jittery than she’d seen him before.

“What can I say? I always love a good fight and ridding the world of one more Templar, especially one as disgusting as Alrik. Really I just performed a community service for Kirkwall, I should be paid for it.” 

“Hawke. _Lyra_ , I really don’t know what to say. If you weren’t there I might have… I don’t even want to think about it.” His voice returned to that broken state Lyra heard only moments ago and she panicked. _Say something, anything now!_

“Ella’s ok and you’re ok Anders. Justice was just a little too into the moment, I understand. This whole thing with that pig is upsetting. It’s _not_ your fault, I lose myself sometimes too but I come back. _You_ came back.” Lyra decided that this was the moment to give the encouraging shoulder pat. Anders looked down at her hand and gently rested his hand over hers. They looked into each other’s eyes and he gave a soft squeeze to her hand and a kind smile her way making his eyes crinkle.

_His hands are warm, and large. And are his eyes really that golden brown color? Wait where did that come from? This has gone on for too long, now it’s getting awkward- but is it really? No, nevermind and let go!_

Lyra gasped and snatched her hand back but managed to hit him right in the face with the backside of her hand. 

“Shit! Sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Anders rubbed his cheek and Lyra closed her eyes mortified at what just happened and hoped the burning of her cheeks wasn’t visible to him at that moment. 

_Please Maker if you’re up there, let the ground swallow me whole._

“Anders I’m sorry, hitting you in the face was not what I wanted. I just wanted to comfort you,” Lyra stood up and backed away from him, rubbing a hand on the back of her neck and trying and failing to not look him in the eyes.

“I’m glad, I don’t think I’d survive if you really did want to punch me. Thanks anyway for the effort Hawke.” Anders was truly smiling and laughing now and didn’t look worse for wear, if only now one side of his face was redder than the other. 

She laughed and wished her cheeks would stop burning right now. _Andraste’s tits now it’s awkward._ Trying not to prolong the conversation any further, Lyra gave a two fingered salute and walked out of his clinic not wanting to see if Anders said goodbye.

 _Maker’s balls what was that about? He just told you he felt guilty for almost killing a girl and you hit him?_ Lyra stomped the rest of the way into Lowtown until she stepped on a loose stone and went surging forward head first into the ground. She barely managed to jerk backwards and right herself with some grace and dignity.

“Thank Void no one else saw that,” the streets were empty which was odd but it was getting darker. No fool would willingly prance around Lowtown at night, unless that fool was Hawke. She groaned and went to cover her face with her arms but remembered she still had blood all over her. “Bath now,” she muttered and set off on a jog to Hightown.

 _Just great, so much for trying to do something nice for Anders._ Lyra sighed and stopped jogging, she felt she was far enough away from Darktown and needed a few moments to collect her thoughts. She didn’t understand why she was so upset that she couldn’t help Anders. She’d only felt this defeated when Carver or Bethany didn’t appreciate her brand of comfort with them. Now she couldn’t stop thinking of all the things she should have said to help him understand it wasn’t his fault instead of smacking him. She pictured the scenario again with him sitting beside her with that gentle look in his eyes. 

“Anders it’s ok, it’s no one’s fault. Justice is… well not nice but intense and dead set on delivering on, well justice. No that’s awful, now I feel bad I even said that out loud.” Lyra found a crate on the ground and sat down running her hands through her hair that still wasn’t as soft as Anders’ hair. 

“Anders you… you’re… Damn! Why is this so difficult?” Lyra layed back down on the crate and looked up at the now dark sky. She inhaled, exhaled and thought of the words she desperately wanted to say but apparently couldn’t. 

_Anders you’re damn amazing. Really you are! Not only are you incredibly funny but you’re so, so kind. I mean who else opens up a free clinic in Darktown and heals patients without any fears of templars? Sure as void isn’t me. You also fight for every mage and I can’t tell you how amazing that is! You could just focus on yourself and keep hidden but you’re active in the Mage Underground and help any and every mage escape the circle... You’re also very important to_ me _if that means anything. I love my other friends, don't get me wrong but I feel like I can talk to you about anything and everything and you’ll be excited to hear about it._

“I’ll also be forever grateful for what you did for Carver,” she whispered. “I was so close to letting you stay behind because I saw how even mentioning the Deep Roads upset you and you were still grieving for Karl, but I was selfish and I can honestly say it was the best decision I ever made.” 

Lyra remembered gasping and crying alone in a dark corner of the caves for the loss of her other sibling, once again consumed by the Darkspawn’s violence. Carver was still alive though and even if he never spoke to her again, it was worth it for him to be a Grey Warden then be gone from Lyra’s life forever like Bethany. Varric had tried and failed to cheer her up and let her be for the rest of the night. Anders was brave enough to come over and hold her hand and just sit as a warm comforting presence in the cold dark cave. Lyra sat up quickly wiping away at the small tears gathered at her eyes and started walking to the Amell Estate.

_That’s what Anders has always been for me though hasn’t he? A comforting solid presence. By my side no matter what and always there to offer kind words to me. That’s just who he is, he has a natural calming and healing aura around him. I can’t imagine living this whole time in Kirkwall without him here or without him in the future._

More thoughts invaded her mind as she walked through the front door and heard a distant greeting from either her mother or Bodahan. Thoughts of the smile he always seemed to wear when he looked at her, his eyes lighting up when speaking about mage rights, and the determined look he wore when fighting. Or how he had a laugh in his voice when he joked with Varric and Isabela and how gentle he spoke to his patients or stray cats. She thought those brown eyes and how they turned blue when Justice overcame him and how that didn’t frighten her at all. Finally she thought of what he looked like when he squeezed her hand earlier. He was intense again but full of affection directed her way and how his eyes flicked down to her lips and back to her eyes. It felt like something large hit her in the gut as she wondered if his lips were as soft as his hair and if he would sigh or moan if she had kissed him in that moment. 

_Oh fuck._

“Ow, fuck!” Lyra managed somehow to run nose first into the door frame and fall onto her back from the force of the slam. When she opened her eyes, Mother, Bodahn, Sandal, Orana, and even Bear were all looking down at her. 

“Lyra dear why are you down there?” Leandra tilted her head to the side and saw how her daughter had a hazy look to her face.

“I don’t know mother, I guess I wanted to look at the ceiling from a new perspective,” Lyra stayed on the floor and tried to get her beating heart under control but a wave of butterflies settled in her stomach as she thought of Anders and what she was feeling for him now and-

“Well try not to get blood everywhere. The carpet was just cleaned.”

Hawke jumped up and ran to the bathroom eager to get the blood finally off her face and look at the damage she caused. Wiping her face she winced when she touched her nose and looked at her reflection. It didn’t look damaged and she couldn’t risk going back to Anders so soon, though part of her desperately wanted to go and kiss him senseless. No she could do it, Lyra sent a small healing spell to her nose and it looked better already! It still hurt though, but she was pretty sure that was ok.

Tonight she was going to have a few drinks and _not_ talk about Anders to Varric and Isabela and risk an unending amount of teasing. Then in the morning she would pop over to Ander’s clinic and… talk? She wasn’t sure. Suddenly Lyra felt nervous about what she would say to him. It needed to be perfect, he deserved her confession to be nothing less than that but everything in her mind was a jumbled mess of “I’ve been an idiot for three years” and “please kiss me and let me see what’s underneath that ridiculous coat”. She groaned and leaned her forehead against the mirror, careful to not bend her nose. 

_That’s way too forward, though I wonder if he would like that? No, just worry about this later. One day at a time, focus on tonight and worry about tomorrow. And you need to think of a better story for the nose_ , _telling him you ran into the door because you thought he would be a great kisser isn’t romantic or believable really._

Lyra stepped back and smiled at her reflection even though she was covered in blood and her nose looked somewhat swollen. She hadn’t been this happy in a long time and sighed when she thought about Anders again. 

“Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow,” she chanted to herself and went to draw a bath.

**Author's Note:**

> Check out my tumblr @esmeralda-juniper (https://esmeralda-juniper.tumblr.com) for more things about my ocs, Dragon Age, and lots of other stuff I love!


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